


The Trip Is Called Cole St. Clair

by popi_finnigan



Category: The Wolves of Mercy Falls - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, Drug Addiction, Drug Use, Gen, One Shot, Pre-Canon, Prose Poem
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 21:21:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16167197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/popi_finnigan/pseuds/popi_finnigan
Summary: Cole does everything in his power to destroy his almost-genius brain. And while he desperately tries to escape from his father's shadow and from his own, he uses all sorts of drugs.This is basically a trip of Cole, told in a prose poem.





	The Trip Is Called Cole St. Clair

**Author's Note:**

> Please mind the trigger warnings in the tags.

I am a train derailing  
a jarring  
halting scream  
everything is a loud ride no slowing down  
a **c** atastrophe waiting to happen  
a destructi **o** n in progress  
fata **l**  
my head is spinning and spinning and I hav **e** n’t got an imitative word for the spin it isn’t  
a crack  
a boom  
nor a tap  
it’s just doing it  
I am doing it  
and I cannot describe it  
I fail if I try to rein all of my thoughts  
I don’t know this many rhymes  
this many tunes  
this many lines  
everything is a never-ending be—  
—at  
everything is a wild drum solo  
and it is tramping inside me  
and there is no es **c** ape  
because my th **o** ughts  
(there are so many of them I can’t hand **l** e it)  
are h **e** re  
they are always ‘are’  
always in plural  
because the single thing they cannot do is leaving me alone  
it’s a good technique  
writing every pain  
every me  
out of my head  
drown myself in music  
in C majors  
and A minors  
yes this is what I need  
it’s a good technique  
sad it’s not working not anymore because I’m a lot more than I’d like  
I’m a train disaster  
I'm playing this  
again  
and  
again  
but it doesn't matter what I’m doing or how fast I’m going without taking a turn only looking ahead it's no use if I stumble across the tracks with **c** losed eyes because at the end no explosion happens  
I’m do **o** med to rail forever ahead without getting that sweet annihilation  
I’m damage a **l** ways failing to be damaged  
I am n **e** ver going to be nothing  
because there is always a thought left  
vector potential  
molecular orbital  
deoxyribonucleic acid how fast can you say it  
backwards it’s di **c** a cielcunobiryxoed  
you see no matter h **o** w many times the needle slips under my skin  
and how many times the de **l** irium melts on my tongue  
there is not **e** nough drug that doesn’t leave

space

for me  
so I’m stuck here  
spinning endlessly and maddeningly  
stuck in the derailment  
in me  
in my existence. 

**Author's Note:**

> Originally, I wrote this fic in Hungarian. You can read that version [here](https://fanfic.hu/merengo/viewstory.php?sid=113322).
> 
> Should you see anything that doesn't make sense (I mean grammatically, otherwise a lot of things in this story might not make sense), please let me know and I'll correct it. :) This whole "writing in English" deal is a work in progress.


End file.
